Crazy like me? (Dealing with Depression and Anxiety)

(WARNING: May be a LONG read, so grab a cup of tea)

Now I know I'm not the most known Beauty Blogger. In reality I'm still a bit of a newbie. I started this blog last year as a way to practice my journalism skills and share my love of fashion and beauty. I never thought that I would fall in love with blogging as much I have over the last few months. I don't have a mountain of followers, but I appreciate every single person who takes time out of their days to read my blog and I'm so grateful for the followers who have joined me on this journey into the unknown.

So I decided, with much deliberation, to talk about something not so much beauty or fashion related, but a bit more personal. Since seeing videos by the likes of my favourite Youtubers, Zoella and Graveyardgirl, about this subject, as well as watching a recent documentary by Demi Lovato about her struggles, I decided that maybe it was time I spoke out about my own experiences. Now let's just get this straight, recently there have been a great deal of bloggers who have spoken about this subject. As I said before, I'm not a high profile blogger but I feel this is still something I want to share with you all, in the hopes of not only providing some readers with a sense that they are not alone, but also to help myself gain confidence in talking about this matter. So if you haven't already guessed, I'm on about those two wonderful life restricters, Anxiety and Depression. Now, Anxiety and Depression are two subject matters that have been raised a lot more in the blogging world recently then in previous years. I like to think that this is because people have a greater understanding and more confidence is speaking out about these issues, but some people may jump to the conclusion that it's all a bit of an attention seek.

 Let me just say,that anyone who has ever experienced Anxiety and Depression, either personally or through friends and families experiences, will know that they are not something you would EVER choose to bring on yourself. If someone walked up to me tomorrow and asked to buy mine from me, even take them for free, I'd happily oblige. My anxiety and depression are nothing new to me. In all fairness, I've probably been struggling with these issues from the age of 13 upwards. I can't really pinpoint their exact occurrence, neither do I want to blame any single life event for them rearing their ugly heads. I was bullied very badly in school and was also very ill when I was younger, so maybe they have some underlining link to the problems I have today. But honestly, I feel that a great deal of mental illness is pre-dispositioned. 

I've never really been great with talking about my experiences with mental health. I've always been a 'theres always someone worse' kind of person. However- this in turn has probably lead to the issues getting worse over the years. My first bad experience with my mental health came after my poor health in middle school. I suffered from what would have possibly been diagnosed as OCD for a year. During this time I created particular routines and partook in irrational actions. To name just a few, I couldn't allow my clothes to touch others (covering my clothes in the laundry with towels to 'protect them'), I would do certain actions a number of times to make sure they had been completed and would also do some SERIOUSLY strange things like hold my breath when someone with an illness appeared on television in fear I would catch it through the TV. After a year these feelings began to sufficiently subside, however, the worst of it was not over. The following year and throughout my time at high school I suffered bouts of depression. I go through particular phrases within a single year, previously going up to 5 months without depressive thoughts, but would often find myself suffering from low mood the majority of the year. After my school experiences I felt extremely low. I came to the irrational conclusion that I had no purpose in life. I began to see the world in a completely different light. The world is a big place filled with beautiful and new experiences but for some reason, I had decided that all of that meant nothing. I had suddenly become life's number one enemy. I hated everything about myself and believed that nothing had purpose. It was a horrible stage and the first of my dark periods. 

In my last years in high school, my depression was a lot less common. I started new friendships, found interest in new subjects and really started to come out of my shell. However, this was probably around the time my anxiety began to form. Throughout my last year of high school and my first year of sixth form I began to struggle with school. Maintaining friendships, keeping up with revision/work and getting into school all together became a task. I'd always been a bit of a worrier and throughout my time at school had experienced a few anxiety attacks, but they became more severe during my later years. Panic attacks were a lot more consistent and severe. The worst thing about Anxiety is it comes hand in hand with Depression. The exhaustion of chronic worry and panic can leave you feelings tried and run down. My anxiety/depression is at it's worst during stressful periods of my life (probably the reason why they got worse during exam years). I also find my self esteem can make my anxiety worse. I have very low self esteem and feel that if I do not look my best I can't leave my house. I'm very insecure about a number of my features which I think just makes it hard for me to feel confident going into stressful or intimidating situations, such as modelling at college. 

Anxiety makes it extremely hard to relax (making it hard to switch off during TV shows, reading books etc). I don't have social anxiety as such but often find my anxiety getting in the way of me doing a great deal of things. Last year, due to my anxiety attacks and depression, I had to give up drinking! Alcohol is in fact a heightener for anxiety so if you believe you have anxiety and feel that your drinking habits link to this, try and cut your intake down. Alcohol should NOT, I repeat, NOT be used for self-medicating. It might num your mind and prevent you from challenging your issues for an hour or so, but it can have a massive 'come down', leaving you lower then before hand. My anxiety manifests it's self in many ways. Larger worries, such as failure in life and death, are often the most frequent, especially recently after loosing my Great-Aunty Bet and moving to University in September. I can also have irrational worries , especially in the evenings. This build's up in an single evening and causes anxiety/panic attacks. 

These are just a few symptoms of my personal anxiety attacks which I hope can help you to recognise some of your own behaviours: 

-Irregular or racing heart beat (My first, massive anxiety/panic attack was during sixth form. I had chest pains for two days before a nurse told me to go straight to hospital, believing it to be a potential heart attack. Although the doctor did not directly diagnose it as an anxiety attack, the chest pains completely cofuzzled nurses/doctors so me and mum came to the assumption it was an anxiety attack)

-Trouble breathing (I will almost always have trouble breathing during a attack.)

-Agitation (During an attack, my brother will try to speak to me about something and I'll be VERY snappy with him. This is because I am trying to concentrate on bringing my anxiety down and ending my panic attack)

-Nausea (During an attack I'll feel extremely nauseous, which in turn will cause me to gag. I sometimes get this during morning attacks and evening attacks when they are at their worst)

-Sense of heightened fear or impending doom (During a panic attack after a family friend's party, I was extremely frightened about the idea of death after hearing a friend speak about a recent death)

-Cold/Hot Chills (I'll often get cold/hot chills during an attack. Goosebumps will appear on my skin and chills will run throughout my body)

-Panic/Distress 

-Trembling/Shaking (I will almost always have bouts of trembling and shaking during and after an attack. My legs and arms will shake uncontrollable like I've been standing out in the cold for hours)

-Sweating (Sometimes) 

-Vomiting 

-Pins and Needles 

-Blocked ears (Weird I know but recently I have been suffering from blocked ears. I will hear buzzing or muffled sounds during an attack)

If you have any of these symptoms or the ones listed on the Anxiety Centre website, you most likely suffer from anxiety:

 http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-attack-symptoms.shtml 

My anxiety attacks are heightened during the evenings and mid morning but can also strike during college hours (which is a pain in the balls as they are harder to hide in a more open, less comfortable space). I recently had an anxiety attack during a presentation day at college. It meant my performance was not at it's greatest potential and I felt emotionally exhausted for the rest of the day. My anxiety has never affected my everyday life until recently. The impending university move and coursework woes have probably heightened it. I have missed quite a few days of college due to the way I feel on certain days (A massive shame as I had 100 per cent attendance last year). 

I can wake up feeling really positive but 10 minutes before college can suddenly feel like stepping out of my house is the worst thing I could do. I feel like my house is safe. I like to be around my family and make sure we are all safe and sound. This has also prevented me from having the social life I would like. I often turn down outings with friends last minute and avoid nights out at all costs as I once had an anxiety attack during a night out! Sleep is also a thing of the past. Most nights I find it hard to get to sleep and often wake up feeling and looking exhausted.

I do feel like my anxiety has really started to have a big impact on my life. I have, however, began to get help for this issue in particular. I take a herbal medication called St. John's Wort for my anxiety which doctors have said is safer and better in the long term then stronger anti-depressants/tranquillisers for this specific issue. I have also started to take multi-vitamins. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is also something I hope to look into before September. 

If you have any suggestions for dealing with anxiety then please let me know! I'd also love to help any of you who want to know more about my own experiences and how I deal with it!

Breathing exercises are also a good way to prevent panic attacks short term. Inhale for four seconds, from the diaphragm, before exhaling for four. Remember to do this very slowly or you may panic yourself further. It is important to keep calm and realise this attack will not harm you. 

When it comes to depression, it can be a great deal harder to deal with. Because I felt I couldn't speak to people about the experiences I had I sometimes turned to the worst possible ways of dealing with my depression. I'm not proud of it but I have been through self-harm. I'm not going to go to much into this unless I feel you guys want to know more. Depression can be beaten by surrounding yourself with positive people, exciting ventures and a healthy lifestyle. 

Just remember, mental illness should not define you, it should shape you into getting better in the future and finding happiness.  

I honestly hope you have got something from this post and it hasn't bored you to death! If any of you are going through similar situations I hope you can find a way of coping or just relief in the fact you are not alone. If you fancy talking about this post, don't hesitate to share your own experiences through the comments or tweet me @thatgeorgiacoan. 

I hesitated so much on posting this, terrified people would read into this in the wrong way, but I feel this has helped me a great deal. Sharing my own experience and story means I don't have to feel like I'm hiding a monster under my bed. I don't want my mental health to be like a skeleton in the closet. Thank you once again for taking the time out of your day to read my blog. It's really helped me these past few months when things were quite dark and negative. 

Love to you all, 

Georgia 

March Favourites

Ok ladies and gentlefolk, so this will be my first ever monthly favourites post!! Don't get too excited will you. In this post I'll be speaking about my favourite beauty products for the month of March and even some of my non-beauty related favs. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it:

Beauty Favourites: 

Origins Drink-Up Intensive Over Night Mask.

I've always found the idea of an overnight mask a bit messy. However, this Origins mask for dehydrated skin is amazing. It's pretty much like a really thick moisturiser, so not a face mask in the traditional sense. It smells absolutely divine and leaves your skin feeling silky smooth the morning after. A great product for those with dull and dry skin! I've been using this every two weeks after a facial scrub and feel like my skin is a lot brighter. Healthy skin leaves for a happy heart! I'm in love with this product. At 20 squids it's not cheap but it's definitely worth the money.

John Lewis 

 I'll be doing a more detailed review on this later this week.

Apocalips in Steller.

These 'world ending' lip lacquers from Rimmel are great for those days when a lipstick is too much. With the shine and gloss of a lipgloss but the pigmentation and staying power of a lippy, this lacquer is defiantly a staple product for the spring. I love the fact it's so easy to apply with it's angled wand and really stays put no matter the occasion. It comes in 8 shades so you are bound to find a colour which suits you. I don't think much to the taste (think playdoh and plastic) but the texture is really pleasing and it applies really well. It's true to it's colour when applied and can jazz up the most simple of makeup looks!

£5.99-Boots

Neutrogena's Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit Facial Wash.

This is not the first time I have used this product but after suffering from appalling skin the last few months (it's literally been like spot invested party on my face) I decided to sort out my troublesome skin for good. I use the Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit wash morning and night. It makes my skin feel super clean and fresh. The smell is lush and I honestly feel like this product is doing wonders for my skin. It's already clearing up and the best thing about this product is it doesn't dry out my sensitive skin. It's the best of both worlds in a bottle. 

                                                  £3.29-Boots

Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum Foundation in Vanille.

Due to my oily combination skin, I often find that medium coverage foundations just don't work for me. I often find them slipping off half way through the day or find that they just don't provide enough coverage on my bad skin days. However, Bourjois's Healthy Mix Serum, a gel foundation which comes in 4 shades, is a real god send. It makes a lovely change from my usual Long lasting Mac Foundation, which can sometimes be a bit too heavy for everyday and I think might even be the reason for my breakouts. The Healthy Mix Serum is light yet covers all the pigmentation and redness I find myself with in the mornings. It's got a really refreshing smell and just gives my skin a lovely glow, so it's no wonder it's now one of my favourite foundations. 

£10.99-Boots 

Mac Studio Finish Concealer in NC15.

Being a massive Mac fan, it seemed only fair that I give one of their concealer's a spin. After reading some reviews that this concealer was quite drying and creased easily, I was really put off purchasing it. But as all products can react differently depending on certain skin types, I decided I would find out myself. On purchasing this product, I did find it quite drying but found out after a few uses it was probably because I was applying too much. I've been using this little beauty for a few weeks now and it's perfect at covering those pesky under eye circles and I find that just the right amount prevents creasing. My studio finish is in NC15 which is a great shade for brightening the under eyes and just making you look like you have had a great night's sleep. I love this concealer and it's coverage. 

£13.05 Debenhams 

Soap and Glory Shea Butter, Sugar and Peach Seed Body Polish. 

I've always been a massive fan of Soap and Glory since receiving a gift set from them a few years back. Their body butters and scrubs smell good enough to eat and this mini scrub from their collection is no exception. This Shea Butter, Sugar and Peach Seed Body Polish not only smells like heaven but is also great for your skin. It leaves my skin feeling really smooth and healthy. I love the fact it's mini size as well and for 2.50 it's a great way to try SG products without committing to a full size tub. Also great for travel. 

LOVING Soap and Glory so much!

Maybelline's 24 Hours Colour Tattoo in 'And on Bronze'.

I'm not even going to hold back on this one. I am full on in love with the Colour Tattoos by Maybelline, primarily the shade 'And on Bronze', which I found out about from beauty blogger, Essie Button. I'm always up for products that shorten the time I spend doing my makeup in the mornings, and this product really does do that! It's a cream eye shadow which stays put for 24 hours!? But for real though, who tests out these claims? Aha.

It is such a great product though. It applies like a cream in seconds but looks like you've spent ages blending in a number of brown eyeshadows. It doesn't crease (which for me is the best thing EVER) and just looks lovely with a brown eye pencil and a flick of mascara for an effortlessly glamorous look. It also comes in 13 different shades to match any makeup look! I just love this and I guarantee you will too. 

£4.99 Boots 

Garnier Soothing 2 in 1 make-up remover.

I've never been too fussy about makeup removal products, not realising just what an important part of the skin regime it is. I've been quite lazy about removing my makeup in the past and would tend to use makeup removal wipes, which I have recently found out are not great for your skin. So, after hearing some great reviews about Garnier's 2 in 1 Makeup Remover, I decided to try it out. The product is quite oily, which I feel doesn't dry out my skin like makeup wipes. It's also a multi-tasking product, the blue liquid being a remover for eye makeup and the white a cleanser for the face. It's really quick and takes of stubborn makeup in minutes without irritating my eyes or sensitive skin. Simple yet effective, I love this product!

£2.99 from Boots

Soap and Glory's The Greatest Scrub of All Facial Exfoliator.

I've been looking for a facial scrub that's gentle enough for my problematic skin and I think I've found the prefect facial exfoliator in the form of Soap and Glory's The Greatest Scrub of All. It's grains are really fine and gentle, so it's not as abrasive as other scrubs I've tried in the past. It smells SO nice and leaves my skin super smooth. I also think it's really helped my blemishes and I've seen a real difference in my skin's clearness. I love the fact this scrub is so gentle yet really refreshes my skin. 

£9.00 Boots

Non-Beauty Favourites:

In The Flesh.

As an avid Zombie film fan and a MAJOR fan girl of The Walking Dead, I couldn't resist biting into the new series of 'In The Flesh' on BBC Three. It tells the story of Kieran Walker, a Partially Dead Sufferer, re-ainmated with the help of a new Government Regime to put ex-zombies back into the community. After months of re-habilitation and medication, Kieran returns back to his home town of Roarton, where an uprising and vigilante groups have been set up to prevent the undead returning to the quiet, northern town. The three-part series, starring Luke Newberry, is a zombie series with a twist. It takes the idea of sergrogation and discrimination within society and gives it an alternative story. The days of brainless undead are long gone. The acting in this series is really admirable and mesmerising. You feel drawn and emotional attached to the characters within the first 10 minutes and the last episode left me howling like a lost puppy dog and sore eyes for hours. If you are a fan of the recent film, Warm Bodies, check this series out on BBC I Player now, you won't regret it!

Argo.

The historical thriller has added itself to my top movie list. Gripping and nail bitingly fast paced, this film doesn't need fake scares or demons to give you a fright. The fact this film is based on a real story is even more shocking. Fantastic storyline with strong acting from Affleck and his co stars, I loved the way this perfect piece of cinema had your heart racing and your head questioning for hours after it ended. Defiantly a must see for those who love drama!

Icomania.

A super addictive app, similar to the popular Four Words, gets you to guess the brand/character/film/country from a simplistic poster. It's topical, fun and relatively easy if you know your film and celebrity based references. It's also free which is an extra bonus! I've been addicted to it for a week and have almost completed all the levels. There are also constant updates, meaning the fun never has to end!

Free 

Mike and Ike

Just the most delicious sweets in the whole world. I'm addicted to them!! Jelly beans in tropicana flavours, who could want anymore then that!?  

Max Factor's Clump Defy by False Lash Effect Mascara Review

I just wanted to say a massive sorry to you guys for leaving it SO bloody long to write a post! I've been super busy with college recently and have been having a really shit time in the last few weeks. I'll tell you guys more about that at a later time, for now though, let's talk makeup!!! 

Now mascaras are always one of those beauty products that are hard to get right.  I'm pretty sure many of you will agree with me when I say that the epic perfect mascara search has been the bane of my life. Years have been spent trying to find that mascara with the ideal formula. But it isn't very often you find a mascara that has everything going for it. It seems there is always something that has to let it down. However, I believe I may have found that PERFECT mascara that all of us have been dreaming off. So without further a due, please welcome, MAX FACTOR'S CLUMP DEFY!

Now you are all probably thinking, 'wow Georgia, bit late on that band wagon' but it isn't the first time I've tried a Max Factor mascara. Three years ago I was introduced to the beautiful predecessor that is the 'False Lash Effect' mascara by Max Factor when I 'borrowed' it from my Mum. I honestly feel in love from the moment I swiped that baby across my naked lashes. The formula was just fabulous. Not too thick yet thick enough to create amazing volume and length whilst keeping the dreaded 'spider leg' lashes at bay. However, the False Lash Effect, which has been a staple of my makeup bag for many year, was recently replaced by it's younger and fresher sister. Now what I love about the Clump Defy first and for most is it's ability to really create luscious lashes with only one coat. That's right my lovers, A SINGLE COAT! 

It's one of the things I hate most about the previous mascaras I've tried. 

Now don't get me wrong, a second coat of mascara never did anyone any harm and I often put on a few coats before a night out to create that extra va va voom. But with many mascaras I have tried in previous years, the second coat can often leave you with clumpy lashes *sob*. That's also the great thing about this mascara! During the day, one coat creates enough volume and length to really open the eyes and create a natural yet wide awake look. As evening sets upon you, a second coat can be added and you have enough volume for a night on the town without the hassle of using a pair of falsies. This mascara is so versatile. I love the fact it works well with so many different makeup looks. I also really love the wand that comes with the Clump Defy. While the False Lash Effect's brush was rather dense and hard, the Clump Defy uses a more sparse spoon shaped applicator, which catches all your lashes with the first sweep. The formula is also a lot less thick, which means that less of the mascara's wand picks up less product. I find this means that not only less product is wasted, but it also prevents the formula was gunking up (if that is a word) the wand. This also prevents clumpy lashes which I found was a problem with the previous False Lash Effect as the wand would often clog up with extra product. 

Overall I just love this product. I've always been a massive fan of Max Factor and trusted their high quality products. This product is defiantly a staple mascara for any makeup bag. It's one of these products that would be hard to fall out of love with and I just feel like Max Factor have really pulled it out of the bag with this one! It's defiantly my favourite mascara of all time!

£10.99

http://www.boots.com/en/Max-Factor-Clump-Defy-Volumising-Mascara_1294933/

SO have you tried this product yet? Let me know what you thought in the comments below! 

Georgia 

oxo